My predator novel

#63

You can write it any way you want . It wasn’t a bad read 👍🏻 i just always found that the preds worked best at their basics . Find the biggest challenger and prove yourself worthy .

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#64

I get that, I just felt like this one should have an upgrade predator in it. Thanks it was fun to discuss predator stuff

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#65

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Dick🗿

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#66

And Balls🗿

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#68

And the pudendal artery🗿

#69

Darn.

#70

mmmmkay, so all jokes aside for now…
The good news is that there are no major plot holes of any kind, looks good so far in that respect, but the text doesn’t flow very well. I would reccommend breaking up some of the longer sentences, and just double-check your grammar as well as making it either entirely first or entirely third person. It’s a little confusing with the constant switching between the two. But other than that, it’s pretty good.

Lemme just say from experience, when writing it’s vital to go over the text and just read it. Make sure you’re happy with the flow and the grammar before you open it to peer-review, cause it can cloud meaning on occasions.

“The predator ran towards me ax ready to swing and I raised my sword and was forced downward by the force that it had but I was able to escape the conflict and counter attack but it blocked it with the handle, so I attacked again but it blocked then it swung but I dodged it then I parried another swing and across the room I saw a plasma rifle and the predator rushed towards me with another strike but I dodged it dropped the sword and dashed towards the rifle with the predator right behind me I grabbed the gun and pulled the trigger while he raised the ax.”

This entire paragraph is one sentence, a good example of why you need to break it up a bit better.

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#71

How long are you intending on it to be?

#72

Oh god, thanks for the feedback and I’ll fix that right away. Also where was it third person?

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#73

Around the length it already is, I just want to go through it and fix and improve a couple things.

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#74

I believe it was around the section where he was recruited? Idk if I just got that turned around in my head lol
But yeah, the plot’s good, no major holes or anything which is what I always find when I write my own short stories XD
Ya done good, lad.

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#75

Thanks, I’m going through it now.

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