I HAVE A SNIPER RIFLE AIMED AT YOU FROM

#66

Bro I fucking loved meet the pyro when it came out. It was literally perfect

In game I main pyro as an assault/spycheck with nostromo nampalmer/backburner, scorch shot, and homewrecker

[Cut to BLU Demoman inside a room looking around worried. Pyro, with their Flame Thrower ready, kicks down the door into the BLU team’s room and the Demoman darts away to hide. Fade back to the interview room, this time with the RED Spy.]

Spy: “One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask…”

[Cut to Pyro firing their Flame Thrower, then to a wider shot, showing an entire wooden town in flames.]

Spy: “… What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?”

[Cut to a front view of the Pyro, zooming rapidly into the blackness of one of their eyepieces. There is the sound of the Pyro’s breathing and a single white spot which zooms forward and splits into a binocular view while a distorted baby laughter can be heard. When the spots focus, it shows a psychedelic dreamscape.]

2 Likes
#67

[As Do You Believe In Magic? begins playing, the view from the Pyro’s eyes shows colourful hills, lollipops, floating cats and quaint villages. The Pyro’s flame thrower appears in their hands as an unusually-shaped brass instrument, spraying a rainbow-coloured mist over ground, causing colourful flowers to spring from the lawn in front of them. The Pyro laughs. Within this dreamscape, BLU characters appear as chubby little cherubs and sound like babies.]

[As a BLU Heavy appears and bounces on the ground, the Pyro grabs a giant lollipop and cheers. The two converge seemingly happily. While the Pyro in the dreamscape shoves the lollipop in the Heavy’s mouth, the scene cuts to the battle as the Pyro hits the Heavy with the Fire Axe.]

[A BLU Scout appears, flying around and finally resting on the Pyro’s instrument. The Pyro blows bubbles in his face in their vision, but shoots the Scout point blank with the Scorch Shot in the battle, knocking him back.]

#68

@YautjaSymbiote

Team fortress sucks.

#69

[In the dreamscape, a BLU Medic appears out of a box, and the Pyro closes the box on him. In reality, Pyro traps the BLU Medic in a shed by barring the door with their axe.]

Medic: “No!”

[Pyro bathes the shed and the Medic in flames, who can be heard screaming. While in the dreamscape, the Pyro continues to shoot streams of rainbow mist from their weapon. As the Pyro passes, the Balloonicorn appears, and the BLU Engineer and Spy ride it. The BLU cherubs salute and celebrate the Pyro, and a BLU cherub Demoman waves at the camera from close up. Cut back to reality.]

Demoman: I’M BURNING!

#70

You suck

Ball sacks

1 Like
#71

image

3 Likes
#72

@YautjaSymbiote

IMG_1337

#73

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YOU FAT BALD BASTARD YOU PIECE OF SUBHUMAN TRASH!! 2000 YEARS OF CONSTANT HUMAN EVOLUTION TO CREATE A HAIRLESS FUCK-

3 Likes
#74

wait a minute. I’m becoming a doctor, so I’m just becoming a medic main irl

[It is revealed that all of the BLU Team are being burned and killed. A BLU Soldier is hit by a piece of the destroyed sentry of a BLU Engineer, who is shown flying off into the distance. A BLU Scout flees and screams while a BLU Sniper crashes out of a second-story window to the ground. He crawls over to the ankle of a nearby person. The sound of a Dispenser and then a teleporter being destroyed in the distance is heard.]

Engineer: Dispenser down!

[The BLU Sniper looks up, desperate.]

Sniper: “Help!”

[The ankle belongs to the Pyro, who looks down and shoots their flame thrower. The Sniper can be heard screaming as the view zooms in on the Pyro’s mask, flames reflecting off the eyepieces as the Pyro tilts their head.]

1 Like
#75

YOU FAK ME?!?!
YOU NO FAK ME!!!
I FAK YOU!!!
I FAK YOU LONG TIME!
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3 Likes
#76

[Ending title card appears and accompanying music plays]

[Cut back to the dreamscape, where the Pyro happily walks away into the sunset. The view zooms out and passes through the burnt, gaping hole in the stomach of a BLU Soldier. The view transitions back to reality as the Soldier clutches his smouldering innards for a moment and then falls over with a stifled groan. The Pyro continues to walk away into the sunset, whistling to Do You Believe In Magic? as the town begins to collapse from the inferno, the streets littered with charred BLU corpses. Fade to black.]

—————————————————————————————-

[A lone RV is driving down a desert road. Camera cuts to the dashboard, where a bobblehead of the former Civilian sits. A hand comes from offscreen and flicks the head.]

Sniper: “Boom. Headshot.”

[Meet the Sniper text appears. Cuts to the Sniper driving his RV as Valve’s edited version of Magnum Force plays in the background.]

Sniper: “Snipin’s a good job, mate! [He pauses to make a right turn] It’s challengin’ work, outta doors. I guarantee you’ll not go hungry-”

[Cuts to a shot of the Sniper brushing his teeth. There are three photographs on the right of his mirror of a BLU Engineer, Heavy, and Scout - the Engineer and the Scout are crossed off, but the Heavy is not.]

Sniper: “-'cause at the end of the day, long as there’s two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.”

#77

Sniper: “-'cause at the end of the day, long as there’s two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.”

[Scene cuts to view inside the Sniper’s scope. The Sniper headshots the Heavy from the previous scene; the bullet shatters the Bottle of the Demoman behind him, causing the top half of the Bottle to embed itself in his remaining eye. The Demoman flails around, takes out his Grenade Launcher, fires three grenades wildly in the air and falls over a ledge, with his stray grenades igniting a cluster of explosive barrels below and causing a chain explosion.]

Sniper: “Ooh.”

#78

[Cuts to the Sniper talking on a pay phone.]

Sniper: “Dad? Dad, I’m a- Ye- Not a “crazed gunman”, dad, I’m an assassin! …Well, the difference bein’ one is a job and the other’s a mental sickness!”

[Back to Sniper in the RV.]

Sniper: “I’ll be honest with ya: my parents do not care for it.”

#79

[Cuts to Sniper climbing the tall tower in Gold Rush Stage 3, Cap 1. The Sniper waits at the top of the tower for a shot.]

Sniper: [Glances away from his scope briefly to address the viewer] “I think his mate saw me.”

[A bullet ricochets off the ledge under the Sniper.]

Sniper: “Yes, yes he did!”

[The Sniper takes cover as return fire ricochets off the tower.]

[Cuts to a time-lapse image of the Sniper waiting for a shot. Several jars of urine fill up to his side, as the Sniper drinks coffee and waits. As the sun starts to set, the Sniper smiles and finally takes his shot.]

#80

[The Sniper backstabs a Spy through the chest with his Kukri on Gold Rush Stage 3, then slides him off the knife with a satisfied expression.]

Sniper “Feelins’? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings?”

[Cut back to the RV]

Sniper: “Blokes that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards .”

[Sniper takes off his hat and puts it on his chest, standing over the dead Spy.]

#81

Sniper: “Be polite.”

[Sniper headshots a Medic, a Soldier, and a Pyro, blowing the last’s head clean off.]

Sniper: “Be efficient.”

[Slow-motion shot of the Sniper reloading his rifle.]

Sniper: “Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”

[The Sniper fires directly at the camera. The screen blacks out.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

#82

[Cut back to the pay phone.]

Sniper: “Dad… Dad p-, yeah - put Mum on the phone!”

————————————————————————————————

[“Meet the Heavy” text appears]

[The Heavy walks up to the camera and places Minigun on a cardboard box and sits down in a chair]

Heavy: “I am Heavy Weapons Guy…and this [grabs Minigun] is my weapon. [lays both hands covetously on Minigun] She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. [looks intently at viewer] It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon…for twelve seconds.”

Heavy : [Laughs]

#83

Bloody fuck you!

#84

YOURE JUST MAD CAUSE THE PHG VID YOU MADE SUCKED!!

XD

#85

Which one