An Open Letter to the people in charge of the people in charge of the Admins, Mods, the Admins and Mods themselves, and everyone here…
It feels like ages ago when I first made OnlyHereForThePreds1 (My first account), and PredRulesFTDrools (my first alt I made awhile ago). So much time has passed that I scarcely know where to begin. I guess I’ll start by writing about what happened when I posted my very first post ever.
Which was all over the place admittedly, but was intended to be fun.
I’m an adhd/autistic person so I struggle sometimes to write in neat or organized ways.
A combination of playful condescension, and ribbing over the mess that this game came out as was originally intended, but so was genuine praise for what appeared to me at the time to be a downright progressive first character kit released for Fireteam AND Predator side.
I meant every word I wrote. I was actually kind of astonished when I was called a “troll”, because as I’ve always understood it a “troll” requires dishonesty, deception, and maybe apathy towards the topic/people they’re posting about. That, and some degree of aggression typically, but not necessarily.
To accuse someone of being a troll is simultaneously an accusation of cyberbullying . . . and an accusation of being fake. To be a troll is to be disingenuous.
I assert that I never attempted to deceive anyone, and that I didn’t bully anyone because I was retaliating to bullying, but back to the accusation of me being a “troll.”
I find the accusation to be ironic considering how awful I was treated the moment I hit “Create topic” for the first time. Abby from the Last of Us Part 2 was even meme’d at me with Senator Armstrong’s face, and other vile transphobic hate posting occured. As a result I really lost my cool, I admit.
The thing is? Most of you seemed like you didn’t care from the beginning. Add to that the fact that Sexism, Racism, Ableism, LGBT hatred. . . all of that? None of it is even encoded in the weak Terms of Service, the FAQ, or anything. The words race, gender, sex, religion, and all those supremely important things… that some of these privileged anons complain that they come here to “get away from” aren’t even to be found anywhere on the document most important for setting a precedent as to what is and isn’t allowed. And no, I didn’t read the ToS originally, but now I wish that I had sooner, because it just confirmed what I knew already to be the case.
That if I needed to tag @Courier , @Deadwin , @dadadah , @OldKingHamlet , @ILL_A_A_Ron , or @Nerdmaid because of someone being transphobic to me that at best I’d have my work cut out for me explaining why someone was being hateful to me. . . and at worst I’d have no one I could count on to really effectively help me. So, why not be exactly as awful as everyone was being to me from then on? I think I remember reading a comment at some point later in a thread that basically amounted to “Well you’ve got great points, but ur so rude, mean, angry blah blah blah so I can’t support you.”
When on my very first post I’m meme’d with 41%* (*a reference to trans suicide rates).
I think I had a reason for why I was cursing so much, and returning the sentiment about suicide or violence wherever I perceived it from. Or in the case of one individual who probably knows who they are . . . It was how they proclaimed themselves to be innocent, and better than me when they were basically a silent member of the same mob that was actively telling me to end my life, making meme’s about me being a monster instead of a person, being silent while this was going on, or using my retaliatory meltdowns as further justification for the treatment I was receiving from the get go.
It feels strange to me too, because I wasn’t messing around with anything I was writing about.
One of the first things I complained about (and at this point I’ve just given up caring about in this game because of all the hate I immediately received) was the lack of a red hair option for the entire fireteam range of skin colors.
It’s a real life fact, and it wasn’t until I was in my 20s (and halfway through a military enlistment!) that I was informed that there were real people of skin colors other than white who had naturally growing red hair on their heads and/or bodies.
That’s unacceptable, and if you try and lay the blame for me taking that long to realize that very real fact, when so many aspects of society go out of their way to hide this fact I’ll be the first to invite you to go pound sand. This was even a controversy when they began developing a live action “Little Mermaid” version with a black actress chosen for the lead of Ariel. I had friends, family, and strangers approaching me online and off and assuming I’d be offended because a black person had stolen Ariel from me, and other redhead girls. Which is ridiculous, because it doesn’t matter what hair color Ariel’s hair is (or anyone’s really) in a work of fiction about fish people of course. But setting that aside, it’s also even more ridiculous when you possess the knowledge that people who aren’t white, but who are redheads exist!
If you’re here to post about how none of this matters, because “redheads are going extinct anyway, so who cares”. . . Well this time at least I tagged the captain, and the crew of this blazing hindenburg of a forum, so if it happens it’ll be witnessed this time too, and not just my meltdowns like previously.
But back to minority groups with red hair.
They said I was an idiot, or a troll for even bringing this up.
I was accused of being racist. Which is also strange to me, because yeah I was/am* (*I grew up in a white supremacist christian cult AMA), but here I was pointing out something exclusionary for people with red hair, and going out of my way to point out that this isn’t just affecting white redheads, but also redhead people of all colors too (and their friends/families, or even anyone who just wants to play as a redhead for whatever reason) . . . But I’m the one called racist for that? My choice to acknowledge racism, unpack it, and attempt to deal with it is something I can be proud of as a human being from time to time. Not as a white person, but as a human being, and the way you all reacted to my first bit of writing says a lot more about you all than it does me. It’s clear that those of you who provoked me into melting down have a hell of a lot further to go than I do. Especially when some of you can’t even handle liking this Franchise, and grappling with the very real socio political problems that it has always been plagued with. You can do both. It’s not hard.
But back on track. Redheads aren’t going extinct. It wouldn’t take a lot of effort to let the whole fireteam have red hair. It wasn’t stupid of me to point this out. Maybe it was stupid having faith in all of you, that you wouldn’t harass me just for writing that. Maybe you all are the ones who get triggered by anything that seems like SJW stuff, or leftist thinking. Making you all a bunch of supremely unpleasant people to be around.
There was an accusation that because I’ve made alts I “love” this community, or have an “obsession” with it. The accusation that I have any love or obsession with any of you when I can’t even remember most of your screen names, because the harassment was so intense I couldn’t even remember who said what when . . . that’s rich.
The only reason I keep coming back is the same reason as anyone else at all. I play this game. I notice things I think are good, or bad, and I want to say/write something about it. That’s literally it. Oh, and I’m prone to arguing. Like a lot of other people who come here are.
@OldKingHamlet says from now on DM or Tag one of the mods/admins if people get nasty to me, so maybe I will. . . but without ToS backup it seems pointless, and tagging leaves me open to immediate retaliation from other forum posters. This is ridiculous. It’s only a matter of time before someone even less stable, and with far less thick skin than I gets burned by your toxic memberbase and some of y’all get into REAL TROUBLE. If you don’t do something to contain this toxicity…Well, people die because of the stuff that some of you “come here to get away from.” It’s really disgusting that some of you twist the narrative about other people getting representation as taking your representation away from others. It’s really twisted that there are orange predlocs available, but still no orange hair.
It’s exceptionally messed up that cis dude gamers are just encouraged to fantasize about “Winning themselves some hot pred bitches after finally becoming ‘blooded’” at all, but especially so when along comes me posting about predator women with tits and dicks, and predator guys with flat chests and vaginas just existing and I’m treated like the way I was. If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself to take myself away from my own post instead of responding, just like so many times before anywhere else in any other game universe. . . but there’s no guarantee I’d even be able to listen to myself even if that were possible, and it isn’t, and considering the overall feel of this place. . . I don’t have many regrets if I wound up permanently banned. I was never welcome here, and I was never going to be.
I have to keep my mouth shut about anything that makes me me when I’m even bothering to unmute my mic to be treated with a semblance of humanity. That’s disgusting. So was my behavior at times, but none of you can pretend it came from nowhere.
Oh and as an extremely important aside; This forum needs an anonymous way to report stuff like harassment, threats, and bigotry as well. Victims need to have the option of removing themselves from the heat of the moment, and alerting forum authority at the same time the moment something so rattling occurs.