What’s wrong?
Ok. I'll be the one to say it.
He sneaked the spiders around and had an illegal dragon. He can’t be trusted!
He must’ve read through the 70+ troll comments derailing this place. But it’s back on track, thank Almighty Science.
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Still waiting on that HP3 review :P
Maybe, maybe not but the spiders didn’t do nothin to nobody no how. Spiders were mainly chilling in the forbidden woods. They didn’t fuck with anyone but people constantly fucked with them.
Wait refresh my memory, what dragon?
True. Same with the centaurs and the giants. Pretty much every “evil” race in Harry Potter just got messed up because of wizards trying to enslave them or just treating them poorly.
There were hundreds trying to eat Harry and Ron. They’re wieners.
Hagrid had a baby dragon in 1. Wasn’t supposed to have it. It got taken from him. We’re supposed to feel bad about it, but I sure don’t.
Maybe the weenie twins shouldn’t go fucking with spiders let alone giant ones.
Can a man not own a pet dragon? Kids have access to unlimited magical power from their fingertips that can do all sorts of fuckshit but Hagrid isn’t allowed to own and raise a dragon? This is bullshit.
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I like the bankers in Harry Potter.
Maybe wizard genocide wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
Broh, if Beast Man can’t have a dragon, cuz he can’t control them, and his entire deal is that he can control animals, why should an 8 ft buffoon have anything but a cat, much less a flying, fire-breathing monster that loves to hoard gold, or a giant, ravenous spider?!?!? Might as well give him a bazooka!
He doesn’t control them but he’s good with them, also you never get to see if he’s good with dragons or not so you can’t say that. How do you know he doesn’t have a rocket propelled magic grenade huh? You never know when the kids get rowdy.
MOTU 200X series cemented that Beast man cannot control Dragons. Theybare too intelligent and headstrong. Also, in the original series/comics the Dragons were highly intelligent, so much so that they spoke and read books etc. Granamyr gave He-man one of his greatest tests (and he passed obviously). Smaug was also highly intelligent and uncontrollable. So, according to many many bits of lore, Dragons do not make good pets. The only thing I can remember that has them as good pets was crap-circus GoT. Any pet that can speak and outsmart their owner is too dangerous to be kept.
They were biological nukes in that crap-circus GoT. Unless of course you have convenient autoaim stealth boat giant crossbow things.
LOTR’s one of the few fantasy series with elaborate worldbuilding.
Harry Potter has…quidditch. Jungle diff wins games.
On a serious note, the real issue in Harry Potter is the government. Which can only be resolved by impeachment or assassination and it’s never addressed. I’ll mention that Potter’s dream job is institutionalized torture via the Azkaban prison system.
whats wrong is that this man doesnt like HARRY POTTAH
Ask and ye shall receive.
Harry Snotter and the waste of frickin Gary Oldman!!
(HEEEEAAAAAVING SIGH…)
Well, this one was a VAST improvement from the first two. Vast, I say. 3 out of 5 stars. Not only did the children improve as performers, but the new set pieces and cinematography were quite a nice touch. So many good shots from so many interesting angles. But to really do it justice, we’ll need a pros and cons list…
PROS
1.) New director. Honestly I don’t think the series would’ve made all 8 films if Columbus had been hired a third or fourth time.
2.) Less and less time spent on boring-ass school classes. Science, how I hate the classes…
3.) Most of the damned movie focusing on the actual issue in the title. Bout friggin time!
4.) Better performances from younger actors. Yay, I don’t want to pummel the 3 main kids this time for being annoying!
5.) No Jar Jar house elf. Whew! He suuuuuuuucked!
6.) Michael Gambon is a fine replacement Dumassdore.
7.) Far superior cinematography that previous films.
8.) Better sets.
9.) Less time on stupid Quidditch
10.) Gary Oldman!
11.) Werewolves!!
CONS
1.) Werewolves. That design was laughable! Not intimidating at all, more like the wolf from Sword in the Stone, but balding! Someone in creature design should’ve watched An American Werewolf in London, the Wolfman (2010) and Dog Soldiers. Get a scary monster next time. Sheesh! I bet that flea bag cost a million pounds to produce!
2.) Gary Oldman, or rather the lack of him. He’s the best performer in all 3 movies, but he’s in it for 10 minutes. A good 10, sure, but what the hell?!?
3.) I’m about sick of moving, talking and singing paintings. I get it. We all get it. Sometimes less is more.
4.) Terrible things happen to wiches that mess with time, do they? Then why the fudge would a teacher and house master of Geffensnorks or whatever GIVE A CHILD A TIME TRAVEL DEVICE!!! FIRED! FIRED!! FIRED!!! (Vince McMahon style!) Better yet, since they’re witches… BUUUUURNED AT THE STAKE!!
5.) HOW is there still absolutely no oversight on Hagrid?!?! And this cobb salad for brains gets a promotion?!? And the first thing he does is bring the kids to an aggressive animal. What’s next? Hey kids! If you stick your head in this fire, you can see Hell!
6.)Dumassdore is the worst boss/ head master ever. He’s an enabler! Of all the worst things! He knows almost none of the rules are being followed and he lets everything slide, provided he likes the perpetrator. And he doesn’t have the balls to gather evidence of the nonsense going on and present it to the ministry and have the shitheads expelled. Someone’s got dirt on him…
7.) The supersonic squishy bus. Duuuumb! Unnecessary. Completely unsatisfying filler. Empty calories! Whole sequence wasted that could’ve been something cool like, oh, say, how Gary Oldman got past the rip off Ring Wraiths!
8.) First time animal riders going bareback? Horseshit. As an experienced rider, I’ve fallen off during bareback. The first time its inevitable. The Grifflepiffle thingy should’ve been wearing a saddle. More realistic that way.
9.) How, after the 1st 2 insane events at that school has Harry, Ron, Hermione, ANYONE not learned to come clean to Dumassdore ask for help?! Buncha jackasses!
10.) I see the blonde bully kid saw Spiderman 3 and has gone full Bully Parker with that hairdo… how does this kid, who sucks at everything, who’s been revealed to be a little bitch-boy time and again have any friends left, let alone toadies to push people around for him? How is he not now the laughing stock of the school?!? Regardless of who his dad is, who could possibly want to be around him? Makes no sense.
11.) Does hogwarts have no HR department? How may teachers there get to be evil maniacs or compete frauds or Werewolves?!? The union there needs to be dismantled!
12.) I’d pit that lame monster book against the Necronomicon any day.
That’s about it for this episode of “Why Harry Potter stinks” or “J K Rowling, I want a refund!”
Seperate gripe not solely pertaining to but including HP… why does no deadly animal have a working sense of smell? Tyrannosaurs, Basilisks, Werewolves, Indominus Rexs… none of these “super predators” could smell a fresh cruciferous vegetable fart if it erupted right in their faces! That’s just a poor writing choice…
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She asked me to write it.
Ok, just finished with Goblet of Fire…
Sigh… so now a school has death games for a cup and a plaque in some case in the school? Games where the teachers and mer-folk kidnap your friends and hold them under water where you could drown if you don’t find them in time?!? Games where you go insane in a maze and try to kill your competitors?!? All while being boring as all get out, because we know Harry’s gonna win, because it’s his series, so could we just skip to the end? The end, which was the one of two interesting parts involving the villain (the other being the opening.). What a crock of crap. And a high school dance! We need 30 minutes of high school dance drama??? Science tap-dancing Logic, save me from this writer, these directors, PLEASE!!! (I know, I know, I could choose not to watch, but a challenge was presented and I accepted, so here I am).
I saw a new director on this one and I shuddered. And it was right that I did. But at least the parts with the Death Eaters and Moldeywort were good. Actually looking forward to the next one. Hopefully we can start leaving things like Quidditch and such behind and focus onnthe now physically manifested threat.
Goblet of flaming poop (because poop can burn. It’s a real thing. ) 1 1/2 stars.
The tournament is more dangerous than normal because the guy pretending to be Moody was tampering with it. People don’t try to kill each other normally lol.